CSPAN is one unpaid electric bill away from being a radio station. Every time I tune into CSPAN it looks like they just had a fire drill. CSPAN is, of course, the official network for wide-shots of empty chairs. I am also honored to be performing for those of you here tonight, as well as the handful of people watching at home on CSPAN. We were working on these jokes for months – one of my guys said 'are you worried we're a little heavy on birth certificate jokes what if he releases it before the dinner?' And I was like 'why would he do that?! He's not going to wait three years and then release it before the dinner.' Who told you I had birth certificate jokes?! It was Assange, wasn't it? Is Biden still Vice-President? Because if not I'm down to like 'thank you and God Bless America.' It's such an honor to perform for the leader of the world's most powerful slash poorest country.Īnd before I start, these were my birth certificate jokes so thank you for the timing on that Mr. Truthfully, I'm humbled to be sitting at a table with President Obama, a man I greatly admire. Let me just say up top that this evening I'm going to be making a lot of jokes about many of the people in this room, but don't worry, I assure you no matter how harsh the jokes they have all been vetted by the man at the top, Chinese President Hu Jin Tao.
I'm Seth Meyers and I cannot thank you enough for having me tonight.
Following is a transcript of Seth Meyers's speech at the 2011 White House Correspondents' Association Dinner.